The Last Letter
by JustBoy-92
Summary: A letter left by Jasper Cullen for his husband Edward as he continues his career in the military.  E/J, Slash, A/H, A/U


**Disclaimer - All things twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer, I just play with her men :)**

**Thank you to Savannah-vee and being amazing and betaing this for me! She has written some pretty amazing stories herself so do yourself a favour and go check out her stuff! Blonde Ponytail and Uncomfortable are just ... wow! **

**Hope you enjoy :)**

**...**

To my Darling Edward,

My husband, my lover, my best friend, my everything. I'm writing this letter to you hoping that I'm wasting my time and that you will never ever have to read it, because when or if you read this, it can only mean one thing. It means that I'm no longer with you, and for that I am so truly sorry. Know this Edward, that you have always been the first thing I thought of when I woke up, the last thing I thought of when I went to sleep and you can be certain that you would have been the last thing I ever thought about.

It hurts to even think that never again will I see you, talk to you, smell you, hear you. Never again will I see that crazy bronze hair of yours that I love so much, never feel the smooth expanse of your back with the three little freckles on your left shoulder in the shape of a little triangle, never kiss that spot behind your ear that drives you insane or never again be able to simply hold your face in my hands and kiss you until we are both gasping for breath. Never will you be able to make me smile with your musical laugh, never again will you be able to bring me up when I'm down. And God, Edward, it hurts so bad. I don't want to leave you, I would never have wanted to leave you, and it seems like I have and please forgive me for it love, because I really, truly love you.

Whatever happened to me out there, in whatever warzone I was in, I wouldn't have gone down without a fight.

You are probably reading this now and wondering when I wrote this to you. It's currently the 11th November 2010. You have taken Bella to visit your parents and Ali and I are only back from my most recent tour four days ago. You thought I was asleep this morning when you left so you brought Bella in when you kissed me goodbye. You leaned over to kiss me and she decided it would be funny to take a tug of Daddy Jazz's 'sunshine curls' as you call them. You kissed me on the forehead and Edward, it just hammered home the point of how lucky I am to have a man like you in my life. An amazing, caring, loving, gorgeous man. A man who completes me in every single way. I wasn't asleep, just thinking. Thinking about you, our life together, the things we have been through and our darling little daughter.

This past tour has been the worst for me. As I've told you, we lost three of us in a single day, whilst most of the others got injured in some way. I was one of the lucky ones. It all came down to a left or right decision and it's terrifying to think if I had went left instead of right then you could have lost me sooner and without a final goodbye from me. It was actually Paul – one of the guys we lost - that gave me this idea. He gave me a letter to give to Rachel the day when we went out on patrol, and told me that I was only to give it to her if anything happened to him. It was weird, it was like he knew that something was going to happen, he was prepared. I don't know how or if he knew, whether it was just a coincidence that he gave me the letter when he did or whether it was just his instincts telling him to give it to me. But I'm glad he did. It made me realise I had to do this; I couldn't risk what happened to him happening to me and you being left with nothing. So I took the chance to write it whilst you were taking Bella out.

Bella, our lovely little daughter, mini-edward. I would say she was a Daddy's girl but of course she is, she has two Dads. I couldn't believe it the day Rose asked about acting as a surrogate for us. Up until that point I had never seen children as a part of our future. I wanted them to be but I just couldn't see how it was possible. Of course we spoke about it countless times and you agreed with me, we couldn't ask out friends or family to do that for us. And we didn't want to use a random surrogate and one of us donating our sperm for it, we wanted the child to have parts of both of us in it, as impossible as that sounds, and adoption didn't seem very likely, what with me being away weeks at a time doing tours. But then Rose came, my fantastic twin who decided that she wanted to carry a child for us. When we found out the implantation had taken at the first try, we were ecstatic. I don't think I had ever seen you so happy. You had this brightness in your eyes, making that forest green that I love so much stand out even more. It was like someone had lit a fire behind your eyes, in the very centre of your skull, and nothing could extinguish it from that point on. We were finally going to have a family. I couldn't have been happier that day either. Happiness doesn't describe the feeling that I got. My whole world clicked into place that day. No matter what happens, Edward, please let Bella know I love her. I always will. No matter where I am, I'll be with her in spirit, looking down on her, protecting her. Her daddy's little princess, the apple of my eye with her massive chocolate brown eyes that look so much like Roses and her tarnished bronze curls.

Remember the day we first met each other Edward? That was a day that I swear I actually felt my world shift. I know that is such a cliché and you could probably think of some way to word it which is much more elegant and poetic than I could, being a journalist and all, but it gets the point across. You changed me, Edward. You changed me for the better, so so much. You gave my life a purpose, a reason. We were both eighteen. You had just started Glasgow University after you and your family moved here from the States. You were all ripped jeans and baggy hoody. And your hair. It was amazing. You wore it longer at that time but it was still crazy. It stood up at the oddest angles. No joke, at first I thought you had static or something running through you. And then I saw your eyes and I fell. Both literally and metaphorically. I stumbled over my own feet whilst I fell in love.

I was working in the bar at that time and I didn't say much to you, just made small talk for like three months or something? I can't remember the exact amount of time but throughout it I couldn't get you out of my head. You were in everything I did, everything I tried to do. I couldn't escape you. And I didn't want to. You started coming into the bar more often and I would see you looking at me. Of course at that point I thought you were straight and taken, seeing as you were always with Alice – and you always, always forgot to mention she was your sister. So I just thought that I would admire from afar. Window shopping as you call it. Never did I think that you would want me back. I remember thinking to myself, why on earth would that stunning piece of man want me? I'm just a barman whilst he's an aspiring journalist, who can play the god damn piano. Yes, I really was that sad, I remembered every little detail that you told me about yourself and I held onto it for dear life. If the memory is like filing cabinets then, you Edward, have an office worth full to yourself.

And then the day came when you asked me out for a drink and I – confident, self assured Jasper Hale – acted like a bumbling, stuttering idiot. I was that shocked that you were actually asking me out that I made a complete and utter fool of myself. After I sorted myself out we managed to arrange something for a few nights later.

I've never told you this before, and I don't think she has either, but on the night of our first date, Rose actually spent about 2 hours dressing me. I got her over to pick an outfit for me but I always had something to complain about with the outfits, and it got to the point that she told me to 'fuck off and pick my own outfit if her opinion wasn't good enough'. So I did. And she hated it. So she changed it again. And then I realised if I didn't forget the outfit and just leave then I would have been late.

I'll be honest with you. I took my motorbike that night to try and impress you. I wanted to look all sexy and suave but inside I was a nervous wreck. As you know, I'd been on a few dates before but never had I wanted one to go as well as I wanted ours to go. Luckily the date went better than well, but honestly, I don't know what I would have done if I had messed that date up. We just spent the night chatting, drinking and eating. Getting to know one another and it was when you told me about your charitable work that you secured your place in my heart. You were the most loving, caring, thoughtful, selfless eighteen year old I had ever met. We shared out first kiss that night, and I'm sure that the moment your lips touched mine, my soul left my body and planted itself firmly in you. After that gentle, loving kiss you took me away from myself. You made me yours, and I wasn't going to complain about it.

The day you proposed to me makes me smile to this day. It was typical you, to be honest. I'd known for a while you were up to something. It was the way Alice would smirk whenever she came to visit us and looked at me. I never thought that you'd be considering proposing though. It was our four year anniversary and you had a just graduated Uni. I was so proud of you the day you told me that you got a first Grade honours. So, so proud, but not a tiny bit surprised. At that moment in time I didn't give a damn that I was still a barman, walking a path that seemed to be going nowhere, because you were by my side and you just made everything better. We had a nice little flat just outside the city centre at that point but honestly, as long as I was with you I wouldn't have minded living out in the streets. You were my sun, Edward, my moon, every tiny little star that was floating miles and miles above us. They all paled in comparison to you. And then you made the life that I thought couldn't get any better even better. You asked me the four simple words I'd never thought I'd hear: Will you marry me. Four really simple words, yet they change a person's life so much. And there was only really one answer I wanted to give you. Six months later and we were married.

The wedding day was quite honestly the best day of my life up until that point. I loved how it was just a quiet affair. Close family and our closest friends. It's all we needed. You looked so good that day. If we weren't in a room with or immediate family and friends, I would have taken you then and there. No one should look that good in a suit. The light grey material matched your pale skin and the green tie was the exact colour of eyes. I'm pretty sure my heart forgot how to beat for a moment when I saw you. I don't remember much of the ceremony, you had dazzled me so much that all I could think about was you. On that day, Edward, I felt complete.

It didn't last though. Don't get me wrong, I was happy as I had ever been, but I felt like there was something missing in my life. I had no sense of purpose or direction. I was twenty three and working in a bar full time, with only a high school education to my name, whilst you, on the other hand, had just got a job with one of the biggest tabloid newspapers in Britain. You were working crazy hours at that point which clashed horrendously with mine and we barely saw each other.

And then Peter came into the bar and once I spoke to him and he told me all about his time in the army and the tours which he had completed, the light bulb went on in my head and I couldn't get it to switch off. The way he described it, the way he spoke about it, he made the forces sound so appealing to me. I'll be truthful, I should have spoken to you about it but I didn't, I just acted on impulse. I don't want to dwell too much on the night that I told you what I was planning it, because it isn't one of my proudest moments. We both said things we didn't mean and got angry and it was the only time I ever doubted our relationship.

You eventually came round though and away I went. And I enjoyed it and it makes me happy, knowing that I'm doing something which is supporting my country. It gives me a sense of purpose. Of course I miss you something terrible when I'm on tour and away from you and when Bella came along I miss her just as much. But it's the thought of you two that get me through, knowing that back home I have the best husband in the world – a man who I couldn't have asked for any more from, the man who is perfect for me - waiting for me to return, and a daughter who amazes me every time I see her. I have a photo of you both with me at all times, and I know that I have all the love and support I could ask for.

I know that if you are reading this though, that I wasn't able to return to you this time and it breaks my heart knowing that I wasn't strong enough to fight my way back. Don't doubt that I wouldn't have gone down without kicking and screaming though, it would take the next best thing to a meteor landing on me to stop me from returning to the two people I love more than anything in the world.

Do me a favour though, Edward, don't forget how to love. I know that when I die I don't want you to stop yourself from falling in love again because of me. It would kill me to think that I had denied you so much happiness after putting you through all this pain, so please, don't hold yourself back for my sake. I will always love you, and I will see you again someday, and that is all that matters. And please, when the time comes, let Bella read this.

Bella, I am so very sorry that I didn't get to spend more time with you. Your birth was one of the shining moments of my life and I know that I can rest easily, knowing that I helped bring into this world one of the most brightest, cutest, lovable, caring little babies, and I hope you know that I will always be looking after you and Edward, making sure you are both happy, safe and secure. I know I haven't said much to you, Bella, but I think that a few words can't possibly sum up how I feel for you. I love you so, so much, that words fail to grasp the extent of it. And it is one of my biggest regrets that I never get to know the amazing, intelligent woman you will become.

I hope this letter helps you, Edward, and you, Bella, and I hope you both live long, happy lives. I know that whilst mine may not have been the longest, you both definitely made it the brightest life I could have asked for, and my heart will always be with you.

Once again, I'm so, so sorry. And I love you both so, so much.

I leave with you both in my heart, soul and spirit. Take care of it, for it will always be yours.

All my love and my deepest apologies,

Jazz.

xxxx

**...**

**There we have it! I was hoping to get this out closer to rememberance day/veterans day but that plan got messed up when Uni decided to give us assignments at that time as well so I got half way through this and had to wait until I got all my assignments done before i could go back to it. The inspiration for this was a song by the group 'The Soldiers', who are three active servicemen who, when they aren't serving in the armed forces, release singles for military charities. The song in question is 'Letters home' which is just such a heart wrenching song. The lyrics of the song itself are the words which were written by an active soldier, in a letter left for his family who passed away in combat and it's such a powerful song. I recommend you go and listen to it. It really makes you appreciate how much our armed forces do for us, in any part of the world, and hammers home how difficult it must be for the family and friends of those serving. **

**.com/watch?v=gRIKOJPF8H4**

**So thank you for reading, I hope you and enjoyed and if yo are so inclined, please leave a review :).**


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